My dear Aubree,
To me it was like you had been with us since the day you were born. This was your first christmas and your mom and I tried to make it as special as we could.
We started by putting up the tree, ornaments, and deca'nations around the house as a family. You held the ornaments and handed me one at a time as I put it on our little tree. You tried to name them and had you favorites.. One that was Santa on Ski Lift, which looked just like the Jolly big red guy you met in your daddee's hometown. Although you liked him better as 2 inches high then 6 foot, even if you were sitting beside him on your dads lap. The second one was one that resembled one of your stuffed animals. You called it Melmo. It was a little Elmo with a dolly that wsa standing beside a christmas tree. Finally your mom and I donated a little at church, and put a ornament of another little girl in Guatamala that was in need of a little help. Those were the ornaments that you liked the best as well as the ones you were actually allowed to pull off or try to put back on the tree. Even with the Plastic fence cornered around the tree :).
Everyday we would turn on the christmas tree lights, and sway to the music, sometimes christmas sometimes not. You loved to talk about the tree and how pretty it was. After a little while you noticed the stockings that were hung around the fireplace and mom and daddee got you one that had penguins on it.
Since this was your first christmas mommy and daddee though it would be nice to spend it together as a family so we didn't go visit the rest of the family to celebrate the birth of christ until the sunday after christmas.
Since you and mom had been so good all christmas season, daddee thought it would be ok if we celebrated christmas a day before christmas eve. So we pulled out the blankets and laid a couple layers in front of the fireplace. Mommy made hot chocolate, while daddee got a nice fire going. Once we were all set, daddee went up to the place that santa had dropped the presents off early. It helps him make his regular route on christmas eve. Anyhow, we all sat together and openned presents. We enjoyed the warmth of the fireplace, the warmth of the hot chocolate and the warmth of love between us all as a family. You were just a trooper, had that tearing into the presents down pat. Helped mommie and daddee open their presents too. You got some legos, a microwave with all the trimmings, and even a small campping scene, with a little girl with a backpack you call 'Dora', that has a tent, sleeping bag, with small squirrel to boot. And last but not least mom and dad thought it you were old enough to start your career as a Sit and Spin Extrodainare. Daddy though it might take you a while to get the hang of it, but with-in 10 minutes you were spinning around and around all the while the music cycled through about 1/2 dozen different melodies.. Mommy and Daddee were very impressed, and so proud.
We went to church on saturday, it was your first service in quite a few weeks since your mommy and dadee have been taking the class to fully join the church, and you did just wonderful. For most of the time you sat pretty quietly between us, with some help from some juice, cookies, a hug or two, and occasional church exercises (stand up, sit down, kneen, repeat).
Sunday came and it was time to take a road trip up to your other grandmas to celebrate christmas with your other cousins and aunts and uncles, as well as really meet some of them for the very first time since you came. You were pretty shy at first, but ate like a trooper as the local restaurant. After your nap you stuck close to momma but did try to play with a few of the smaller kids as all as mom was within reach. The kids got to open a few more presents as well as ones that they had got to exchange between them. You had drawed S. as to get a present for, and you daddy helped you out by wrapping a "Drawing" book for him. A. drew your name, and since this was your first christmas mom and dad though a donation to "Half the Sky" as your gift would be just fabulous and you didn't seem to mind either. Grandma Cleveland gave you a little bit for your college fund, and very neat "Little People" scene that makes very funny noises when you put different animals in their spots.
And Mom and dad got the to celebrate with christmas with the gift they got very early in the year, that gift was being about to meet and take YOU home with them to be their daughter, and US your parents, and that is all they were ever wanting. We love you Aubree and hope we are doing good as your parents, we doing our best.
d :* [ [ A ] ] *: l
It started snowing pretty good after Dadee came home tonight and by the time supper was over, there was a pretty good accumulation going on out there. Mama decided it was the perfect time for Father/Daughter to make their first ever snow excursion!
Snowboots, glubs (gloves... Mama's silly!), hats, and coats were dawned and out they went! B had this look on her face like 'what the poodles?!?!?' No, Dadee, I dont want to touch the snow... but I will shuffle around a bit with you! I was watching out the door and I could hear her saying 'sNO! sNO!'
Next time will be better - B will probably turn out just like Dadee and love snow as much as he does!!
I read an article today that was written by a single mother who adopted her daughter at 15 months from China 10 years ago. They made a heritage trip home to China so her daughter could see/experience her motherland. It was a nice article, but I cannot get the one aspect of it out of my mind, so I will write it to you my dear Aubree BiXiu.
The daughter, like many adoptees, feels a sense of continual loss from the knowledge that she is not with the parents she was born to. She looks nothing like her 'parents' and longs to know where she fits in the world.
I know you will have these feelings too Aubree, and I grieve for the days when you will. I will not know how you feel or what its like for you to grow up looking different from Dadee and me. The best I can do, and I will always do my best for you, is to be here to hold you, love you, and let you know that I have always wanted you. God has a plan for you - that is why you were my daughter even before you were born. Do you know that I pray daily for your birthparents and that I hope that somehow they know and are comforted that the baby they could not care for is safe and loved? You have to know that your birth mother loved you so much that she made sure to make a plan for your life. I can only guess at the complete and utter sorrow she must live with everyday since she decided to give you a life apart from her.... I know I would not have been as strong as she if I were in the same position.
Dadee and I will always be there for you, even when you dont want us to be, and we love you with all of our hearts until the end of days.
People keep asking me what I want to Christmas and I always answer that I've already received the only gift I'll ever need. I firmly believe that Aubree BiXiu is a gift from God. She lights up my life in ways I never dreamed I would get to experience. She is my joy, my treasure, my life, and I love her more and more with each passing day.
Hip deep into the holidays, I cant help but wonder about Aubree's birth parents. I hope they are warm, safe, and have by the grace of God some peace in knowing that our little girl is living a life full of love.
Our 6 month post placement visit was yesterday :) B didnt want to be anywhere near K our social worker, but that doesnt really surprise me since in the past week she's screamed bloody murder in the presence of both Santa Claus AND the poor Schwan man! B went back and forth between Mama and Dadee during the visit but she was quiet for the most part... just not very talkative when strangers are afoot... gets more like her Mama in that regard every day! K wont come back now until June for the 12 month post placement visit.
The other fun thing we did this week was put up the Christmas tree!! Good time had by all! Dadee built the first fire of the year in the fireplace, we put on christmas music and had an awfully good time sorting through the ornaments together. B likes it most when the lights are on the tree and the room is dark... she just squeals! We got stocking holders this year since we have a mantle to hang them on - B's new stocking has penguins on it! Dadee also bought her very first ornament - its a sliver cup with a baby bunny sleeping it it :)