To Parents of Adopted Children
....With love to adoptive parents
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, an adopted person
You cannot change the truth
these are your children
but they came from somewhere else
and they are the children of those places
and of those people as well
Help them to know all about their past
and all about their present
help them to know that they are from extended families
that they only have one parent or set of parents
but that they have more mothers and fathers
they have grandmothers, godmothers, birthmothers, mother countries
and
mother earth
they have grandfathers, godfathers, birthfathers and fatherlands
they have family by birth and by adoption
they have family by choice and by chance
Childhood is short
they are our children to raise
they are our children to love
and then they are citizens of the world
What we do to them creates the world that we live in
Give them life
Give them their truth
Give them love
Give them all that they came with
Give them all that they grow with
Your children do not belong to you
but they belong with you
you cannot keep them from what is theirs
but you can keep loving them
You do not own your children
but they are your own
Aubree, your baptism was yesterday and you did fantastic! Didnt cry and you looked beautiful in your pretty pink chinese dress. Your Grandma Cleveland gave you a pretty heartshaped locket with a cross on it to wear and we put the bow from the box in your hair - it was just the right color of pink!
You also wore your nifty white squeeky shoes and white socks with pink edging and bows. You squeeked squeeked all around church when the service was over while we waited for your ceremony began. Mama also brought your pretty white scarf with the pink roses on it as your white article.
Your god parents are F, J, and Auntie Sis, Deacon F performed the ceremony and he did such an awesome job! Grandma C, D/T/L/M were also there to see you baptized.
Gramma Fisher, TQ, and MC didnt go because MC was asleep and Gramma/TQ were both terrible sick. TQ was terrible upset that he didnt get to go but we took him some supper and cake to make him feel better.
After the baptism, we all went back to our house for cake that Grandma C brought, salads that Gramma F made, and hamburgers/hot dogs that Baba cooked up. You got to eat your first piece of cake and you werent real into it - you were more interested in mushing your silver cup into the top if it and smearing the frosting around :)
Mama will make a shadow box of your dress so we can hang it on the wall with your baptism portrait. Mama and Baba are so proud of you, our beautiful baby!
Mama has just 1 more week at home with you Aubree and then you'll have a whooping good time with Grandma, TQ, MC, ET, and SA while I sit at my desk and cry.
I hate that I have to go back to work and leave you. I love hanging out with you, rolling around on the floor with our feet in the air and playing cups. How can I get up at the crack of dawn knowing that I could have stayed home with you and we could have snuggled in bed together until 7:30 or today's amazing 9am!
I'm going to be looking dejectedly into my oatmeal every morning knowing that I didnt get to feed you yours this morning - Baba did before he dropped you off at Grandma's.
If I could get the baby monitor to reach all the way downtown, I would take it with me and listen to you laugh, yell, cry during the day.
Its really hard to be a Mama when all you want to do is stay home with the sweet baby instead of pushing papers around a desk all day, but if I didnt, we wouldnt have enough money to live. I hope you can forgive me for having to do what I've got to do in order to provide - remember I love you and that I will be hurrying home as fast as I can after lunch to get home right when you wake up from your afternoon naps.
Happy Baba's Day Dana! As I have watched to learn to care for our daughter, I cannot help but fall more in love with you everyday. You are the kindest, gentlest, and sweetest of fathers. I dont think I have ever seen more love in a father's eyes than I have seen in your eyes when you look at our daughter.
Please dont be sad on this weekend, I know this is a particular hard one with you that your dad is no longer with us. Take comfort in the joy of your daughter's giggle, the way your eyes crinkle up the same when you two are sharing a hooting good time on the floor. You are the best father our daughter could have ever been given and the best husband I could have ever been blessed with.
I love you Dana - heart and soul - Happy Baba's Day!
:* [ ]
Aubree BiXiu Cleveland, you sure know how to wrap your parents around your little finger :)
Case in point - last night! You seemed to be having a very bad bunch of toothy pain and couldnt setting down. 2am through 4am, Baba tried his best to get you to settle back down but it just wasnt happening even after a dose of tylenol and orajel. In to bed with us you came and you little stinker, you settled right now and went to sleep. I have the cutest picture of you and Baba asleep this morning in bed - you taking up more room than a grown person and him with his mouth slacked open - both of you completely dead to the world.
Fast forward to this afternoon - you had been asleep in your bed maybe 45 minutes when you woke up and decided shrieking will get you everywhere. In bed with Mama for the rest of your nap - it would have not been so bad if you hadnt woke up and giggled dementially that you had suckered Mama into putting you into the big bed yet AGAIN.
You know I dont mind a bit having you in bed - you are extremely cuddly and you are so cute in the morning when you sit up and you're hair is standing up all over your head :)
I think you are an amazing kidlet - I truly do. Your ability to soak up love and reflect it back is awesome. You're upstairs right now with your baba and it sounds like you two are having a hooting good time trying to go to bed :)
Baba is rocking you and going shhhhh shhhhh - you sound like you're finally winding down and possibly getting ready to be put in your bed, quickly tuck your pink dingly legged kitty under your right arm and cover you up. We cant keep covers on you, you're just like teflon! I worry about you being cold - I've got your cherry jammies on you with the hoochy mama shorts... I did have you dressed in long pants and sleeves when we first got home but you would wake up just soaked in sweat. When I scoop you out of bed in the morning, your little chicken legs are soo cold!
Little bitty you are such a joy to behold - I love seeing you look at me out of the corner your eye give me your sly little smile right before you drop whatever food you had in your mouth in my outstretched hand. I dont mind chewed up chicken bits in my hand when your little eyes are twinkling at me!
Baba just came downstairs... you are out for the count and I cant wait to see you in the morning again... Mama loves you so much!
I've been told that antibotics for ear infection have been known to give little ones diarrea. Okay - me and baba are all prepared for that!
Thats not what we've got - we've got the other extreme on our hands! Aubree BiXiu - you are worrying your parents to death with your lip clamping on liquids and your reluctance to produce a good poo.
We had to call in the big guns yesterday... the Auntie Sis. She came over and we had us a little adventure that I'm sure none of us want to repeat... the baby supository. duh duh DUNT!!!!
Man do those things work good but I dont want to use them again. You need to drink more and eat more of the fruit we're offering. Come on kid - cut us a break...we are both very new at this thing called 'parenthood' and we want to do a good job for you :)
luv you my sweet cranky, teething, bound up child!
I'm reposting this entry from my regular blog so you have a copy of it Aubree - please excuse the language but I think you need to know the affect ones actions has on others.
You know your stoopid....
you have filled out all the necessary paperwork to make your kidlet yours and then you figure out you fucked up her name.
Oh yes folks, our first great big fat mistake as parents - we had a change of heart about Aubree's name AFTER everything was officially to late.
I would like to blame someone else for this major booboo but its all my fault for being wishy washy. Our case worker here in the states had pronounced Aubree's chinese name in such a way that it sounded like bichon... you know, small white annoying dog with a cotton ball haircut. Okay... no way is my kidlet going to be saddled with a name that sounds a lot like bichon or 'bitch on!' so we said her middle name would be the last part of her chinese name.
Aubree Xiu (She-O) Cleveland is a pretty good sounding name right? Well it certainly doesnt sound as good as her full chinese name sounds WHEN ITS PRONOUNCED CORRECTLY!
BiXiu is correctly pronounced BeeShoe and it sounds just pixie like when you string it all together - Aubree BiXiu Cleveland. Kinda lyrical and butt kicking if I do say so myself and too important not to keep as much of the only thing that she had in the beginning of her life to call her own.
So what do we have to do to get her name officially changed from Xiu to BiXiu? Just the following:
1. Petition the court here in Iowa for a minor child name change.
2. re-request her State of Iowa certificate of foreign birth so it reflects the name change.
3. send a copy of the court decree changing her name to INS so we can get a corrected Certificate of Citizenship
It would have all been a lot easier if we had just left Bi in, but I figure its just one of many mistakes we'll make on this journey of parenthood...
It is the Saturday morning in LA. We spent the night in the Four Points Sheraton near LAX for the night. We had left Guangzhou at around 8:30pm friday night and because of the magic of the
international Dateline, we arrived in LA at around 9:30pm that same friday night after a 13 hour flight. We had to wait a bit for our bags to make it to baggage claim, overhearing some nearby LAX guards it is quite the norm. It was caused by the frequent baggage jams in the
system. Let me back up a minute. Rememeber when we left Guangzhou the night before I had in my possession the mystery package that was not to be opened, and must be hand-delivered to INS in LAX. Well after we got off the plane, we had to make a long, I mean long and winding trek
through the outter tier of the LAX airport to get to Immigration. As we finally make it there with mystery package and children in tow we get in line to wait our turn. An INS helper then asks us if we were coming back from adopting these children and we nod yes as she then directs to an empty seperate line that by-passes the normal immigration path to a desk where we hand over the package and all our passports. The man behind the desk then proceeds to unveil the mystery package ripping it thusly open. a photocopy later and a few stamps and we were on way in 5 minutes, just breezing through! Sweet!.. So after we then grabbed our bags we had to make it outside the terminal, and I then made a quite call to the hotel to come pick us up. We were told and also directed by a few others that we needed to cross the first street and get to the green line waiting area to pick up the hotel shuttles. There was a man that was helping to also make sure shuttles stopped or showed up. I'm not sure if he worked for anyone or just thought of a easy way to earn some money getting
shuttles and helping to load bags. It was nice he was there though, I was running the cart of our bags and the median was quite narrow and about 8 inches off the ground. As I pushed the cart to position us to be next, it ramped off the median into traffic just enough that the next shuttle/car would have clipped me.. The man just in front if the car and directed them around or to stop while I and one of the Jims helped man-handle the cart back on to the median. I felt a bit in embaressed for a moment or two until someone then infront of me did the same thing,
and then I knew it wasn't just me. :)
We loaded up the shuttle and made it to the hotel. It seemed in a bit of shady part of the city but the rooms were fairly nice. It took an extra call to get the baby crib delivered to the room so that person didn't get the $5 tip that I had been tooling out to everyone so far in LA. I had lots of $5 bills on me, and I thought it pretty good considering the people and bags we had. We got to our rooms and after a shower we were pretty much out for the night. My only concern was that we didn't sleep through our alarm and my watch alarm backup. Of course, since we were already still messed up timewise we were up at around 4am with Aubree. We had decided the night before that we would eat quick and try to catch the shuttle early to try for early flights. Since we were up we thought we could just catch a bite at LAX while we were trying for the flights and save some time. Somewhere around leaving the hotel room and getting through the
security and on to the plane I miss-placed my cell-phone. We tried to get our boarding passes and get our bags checked. Were were at counter 16, and were told we needed to go to counter 65.
With grandma and baby in tow we hot footed it down to 65 and got our passes for a flight that was boarding at 8. It was now 7ish and we had not made it through security yet. So after we got our boarding tickets we couldn't check the bags at the same time, they taged then then instead we had to take them to baggage screening #1. The line started to get realling long after a while and it was going very slow. A screen told us there were 3 other screening areas and that we should stay in a line but fromus back, we were told to follow her to baggage screening #2. One we got in line at #2, she also the said we could use #3 or #4. We decided to stay in #3 and once we dropped the bags off lor ran back to were we had told him mom to wait out of the way so we could proceed through x-ray. The typical shoes off, laptop out and
seperate was observed, as well as Lor got stopped and wanded to check Aubree and to find the foil pack of watermelon tablets she had in her pocket from a china pharmacy. So Lor, mom and I all juggled items to let them be scanned and get them back into carry-on bags and finally our shoes back on. We then had just enough time to make it to our gate and on to the plane since it was boarding 2 minutes after we hit the gate. So much for breakfast :).
The LA to Chicago flight however was nice enough to give us a couple of drinks and a
continental breakfast after take-off. The breakfast included a nice ham/egg sandwich and a
banana which really hit the spot. Lor and her mom sat in the row ahead of me and I was in the middle. I also had a few minutes before take-off to use the seat phone and leave a message on Lor's sisters answering machine to ask her to call my cellular comany to put a stop on my phone, which of course they DID NOT because she wasn't on my plan. Durn it! The flight was around 3 hours with a 2 hour time change forward so half the day was still gone by the time we got to Chicago. The flight was pretty good although the landing was about the worst of all the planes we had been on thus far. We got a snack of pretzels and another beverage before you landed and I managed to snag an extra bag :)
Once we landed in Chicago our mission was to orientate ourselves to the gate for Des Moines and hot-foot it there. We found out later that we had been put on an early flight for this one too, as well as the gate was 2 down and across from the one we got off. Oh and btw it was boarding in 15 minutes. I managed to get my old calling card to work and notified Lor sister that we were running about 2 hours ahead of schedule and if she would be kind enough to make sure my mom knew and the Adoption Agency. We arrived in Des Moines just after 4pm, where as if we would have used the original schedule we would have arrived at 6pm. As we walked down the escalator, a few of my aunts, cousins, and mom were waiting as well as Lors sister and niece and nephew. It was very nice to see them waiting for us after our great adventure.
The road home. We are going to check out at 11:30am today, but first we needed to wait for nelson to stop by each of our rooms and hand us Aubree's Visa. He stopped in about 10:30am with her passport/visa as well as a sealed package of information. One corner of the package was expoded to just beg and tempt you to try to rip it open to see whats inside. The problem was that if you did, then immigration in the US might frown a bit and not let you bring your child into the country. There was a warning on the package too, that said that it must be hand carried. Shhhh.. I had to put into my backpack to travel the way we did with carry-ons and plan tickets and such, but I made sure i had it in my hand after we landed in LAX.
After checkout we sat around the white swan lobby for a while until Nelson lined up our bus to taxi us to the airport. We managed to get one last group picture, and Lor and I also got a picture of Aubree sitting on the red couch with her Gift of Love Agency t-shirt. That picture was requested by our agency for group baby picture however circumstances did not allow for it. We then were off to the airport. It was a lot better 45 minute drive to the airport that the ride to the white swan. The bigger bus as well as AC was much better. This was were Nelson and our families would part. For 2 weeks Nelson has walked us around, translated for us, generally hand-hold and babysit us on this adventure and today he would have to set us in the right direction and then walk the other direction to go to the entrance of the domestic flights. Were as we were about to hop the pond again, he was headed back to beijing. He would spend a few days with his wife and son, and then would start the adventure all over again with up to 12 families of the other agency he works with as a guide. Essentially we were positioned infront of the internation departures security gate. We had to wait until the precise moment when the gate would allow our particular flight to be let through and finalize the tickets. This was sketchy because for the better part of 2 weeks we had a backup of nelson if we were unable to understand what someone said, now we would be up a creek if we were able to get through and caught our plane.
If you remember there is no such thing as a queue or line in China. There is a just a muddle of people pointed in a general direction. That is what we were in for when waiting for the first security gate to open. Meanwhile since other flights were allowed through we had give some room infront of us, when the little red-shirted airport bellboys had grabbed all their clients carts of luggage and had tried to squeeze as many in front of us as they could. This way they could push their clients to the awaiting ticket agencies first through the other 2 checkpoints and be able to get a better tip. Our first checkpoint was the Airport Tax. Nelson was so kind to us. We were told by our agency that we would have to pay for all the airport tax, most likely directly by us, rather than by proxy by Nelson and thrown into the package. So the first gate wanted us to show our ticket of 90 RMB or approx 11.5 US dollars. After that we had to show this yellow sheet of paper that basically gave a quick health check for preventing people with fevers and such from leaving thus trying to prevent SARS from spreading from the country. Even some of the locals and other foreigners were turned away from this 2nd checkpoint and sent back outside to retrieve said yellow page and complete it. This also included a quick x-ray of baggage.
On to the 3rd checkpoint in that we had find the correct ticketing counter to exact our tickets for boarding passes and seat assignments. After a good 15-20 minutes we made it through after 1 family and before the other family. We then proceeded to the 4th checkpoint, a single stairs/escalator that let you get up to the real security. Lor and her mom was able to make it through were as I had to check yet our 3rd bag. We had succesfully been able to go carry-on-only to make it to China and mostly through china, where as going home it wasn't as important and besides we had had to get another suitcase to get all the stuff we bought home safe and sound. It was that suitcase with all the souveniers that I was trying to keep safe and carry-on that I was told didn't fit the template and I had to check it. I kiss my wife, wend them up and hot-foot it back to the counter that said Syndey but really was the one for Los Angeles. After another 20 minute wait with lot of additional people including some monks waiting behind me, I was able to talk to the woman again to check this newly acquired hardcase bag. I have a brief freak out as a forget how to read military time and know that the plan boards at 8:30pm and it was now 19:30pm, and then course remember that was only 7:30pm..sigh! So off i go to escalator.
We now come to the 4th checkpoint. This one involved yet another card to be filled out for immigration purposes and you must have the document filled out to pass. My wife and mother-in-law were waiting for me and had filled one for me so we were ready to go. Show your passport and breeze through, watching others get up to the counter only to find out they needed to fill the card out they passed only moments before. We wind through a few more corridors and now had made it to the 5th and final major checkpoint. This is the actually real x-ray security check.
Our consolulate visit was today. We had to be there at 3:30pm. Nelson told us that all we needed was our passport. Everything else we should leave in the hotel room. I mean you could bring a bottle and a diaper change too, but since we were going through security the less the better. We arrived pretty early, we beat all but 2 families there. It really wasn't exactly what I had expected. I was expecting to walk into a building that had a big waiting area like a bank, huge ceilings and lots of seats as people waiting in additional lines. With mumurs of people trying to convince officials to give them a visa. There was quite a bit of security, i think we walked through 3 checkpoints. All of which were of chinese soldiers instead of caucasian. Instead we walk into a pretty empty room with seats like in a railway station. On a side wall behind a divider is a set of teller like windows with a thumb/finger scanner. All the families walked in and sat down. After a while their guides including ours, hands each family a copy of all their passports. We then proceed to each get up hand the photocopies to one of the tellers, they give us a nod, then hand it back. We then turn around and sit back down from where we started. After a few more minutes a caucasian person walked out and said the oath that we all agreed to with our right hands in the air. That was it. We were finished at the consolulate. Now techically behind the scenes a lot happened, with our guide getting a LOT of documents filled out by us the night before, and verified.
Today was the day that we take Aubree down the street from the White Swan to the nearby clinic to make sure she is ok for travel. Its really more of a quick oil-change type of joint. I mean they don't do that thorough of job, just enough to say that a check has been made to satisfy the Chinese and US Governments.
Had a pretty late morning today, we had breakfast a bit early however since Aubree decided she wanted to be up. We checked out around noon, and we whisked away on our bus to the Changsha airport. Had to take a small detour at an intersection. There was accident or lunchtime rush
hour or something. So cross 2 lanes of oncoming traffic, and back up into our own lane, plus some of the other and make a way a different route. Many others follow suit including buses twice our size and police buggy vans. We then it to the airport and nelson set us up with
tickets, got our required airport tax paid and baggage checked. We had to check one bag, since we have bought some things and need the hands to carry to fragile stuff as carry-on. The flight was quick about 1 hour, and we landed in Guangzhou for a second time. This time we made it out of the airport. First though we had to deplane on to the tarmat again. We then had all luggage threw into one of those small buggy vans and we then piled into one slightly bigger. The AC of this poor van left something to be desired. We were sweating like pigs when we finally made it to the hotel. We have made it to the white swan. For some reason it surprized me, I had not realized that the hotel stood on a bank of a river/lake. Anyhow, the White Swan hotel is
esquist(sp?). Nice decorate, just slightly the small size for rooms, for a couple and their child, and most so with a larger traveling family. We got our porter a $1 a room and we were set. Nelson only gave us minutes to get settled in the room before he escorted us downstairs to
confirm our tickets for fridays flight and then down the block to a photography store to get the pictures taken for our daughter's visa's. They turned out really well. As we waited for the pictures to develop we walked down a little farther in the block to a very small park area,
wound around the entrance to Lucy's Restaurant. The restaurant is a favorite around the area, and has mostly western with a couple of good chinese dinners too. They bring he meals as they
are ready so we sort of eat a bit staggered. Their chicken Enchilades are great, as well the chocolate milkshakes.
To round the busy day out, we finally took Aubree down to the pool for her first swim. I swear that child is a fish. It took her a bit to get use to the water, and mama did an excellent job as ease her in and floating her about. We started in the lap pool, then moved to the big recreational pool. It had a small little wading pool just for aubree to float and practice her kicking and splish and splashes. She just had a ball. I did a few laps in the other pool, then joined them in the wading pool, then did a socializing with the other guys in our group, all the while looking toward mama and Aubree to see how she was doing. I joined them later when they found there way into the bigger part of the pool. She was not real keen on letting me hold
her as she floated and kicked about.
Oh, lastly before I forget. The plane ride as I said was good, however, about halfway through,
Aubree decided it was a opportune time to let loose the poo we had waited for we wanted to get a daily poo in, especially BEFORE the plane ride. She though it would be funner during it. So,
since I was closer to the aisle I was designate to be on poo patrol. Talk about trial by fire.
I have never did something so hard than to balance an unhappy baby while I depants her, clean her with many wet-ones, and position and stick a new diaper on her, and finally get her pants back on. All the while she is wiggling and screaming, I'm doing this mostly with her standing
and balancing against my shoulder since I can get her, nor do I want her to lay down because
she doesn't fit and I don't want her to flop off the small mini little changing table in the back of the airplane lavatory, or bump her head on the side of the small crackerjack-box. All the while I am trying desperately to clean her the best I can without getting any on her or me.
And did I mention I keep hearing over the PA that people needed to be in their seats and trays in there upright position because we were in the final approach, but I couldn't quite make it out because of the noise of the plane and unhappy baby and most of it is in mandarin :) I got us back to our seat with the toxic waste disposed of, and baby was happier, and all before we
landed. It was a challenging, interesting and a dare I say fun experience of daddy-hood in a
weird and twisted sort of way.